


Safe Side of the Fence

by SatansDuck



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Lots of Crying, Mental Illness, Nobody Actually Dies, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Self destructive thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Trauma, Vague Ending, almost a missing scene, and this situation is so out of the norm anyway, for Severus in the summer I suppose, in his defence he's in a complete out of control mental state, kind of ooc, talking someone down, two sucide attempts actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 17:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15490554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansDuck/pseuds/SatansDuck
Summary: Depressed, suicidal, and out of control, Severus Snape makes his way to a large, imposing bridge on the edge of Cokesworth. He plans to jump.Until he sees that someone beat him to the punch - and is ready to jump before his eyes.Surprising himself, he talks the stranger down.Perhaps such words ended up helping them both, though.





	Safe Side of the Fence

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously guys, this is a lil dark. Be wary and take care of yourselves!! There are two suicide attempts here and lots of crying and lots of pain for these two poor men. I wrote this in a delirium and needed the words myself.

He wanted a cigarette. Or a strong drink, a truck to hit him, to sectumsempra himself – anything. Something. Just to fuck him up. 

He walked down the street, pollutants stinging his nostrils and filling his throat until he was sure the repugnant filth would be apart of him for the rest of his hopefully short life and he glanced up again, to the stars. The pollution was so strong here that he couldn’t see the majority of the stars, but still he searched. He saw the moon that was falling and the brighter stars that could shine through the sick air and watched for a moment - a guilty indulgent. He set his gaze back to the sidewalk when a particularly fast car sped by – odd considering the time. It was 4-something-AM – too late for most people to still be out and too early for anybody to have woken up yet. It was a special time to be awake and out, a time filled with an odd, melancholy peace that stung at his eyes. It felt as if only the tortured would be awake then.

And there he was, wandering the streets of Cokesworth. 

He began to see The Bridge in the distance.

It was a large bridge, one that connected the small, poor town to a large puzzle of roads that led to richer and wealthier towns and eventually cities. The Bridge loomed over an impressive river that was deep and rocky and fast moving. The Bridge had high fences for a good reason, then.

Severus knew it was easy to climb fences, though.

As he got closer to The Bridge, he quickened his pace. He had been there before. Then, he had been stupid. There had been a few people camping at the bottom of the river a way down, an old couple that had been worried and kind and patient with him, whether he was unconscious or awake. He had washed up on the shore by their tent with horrible cuts and scrapes, water in his lungs, a concussion, and a good amount of blood loss from a deep cut in his head. It had been dumb luck that the woman – Dorothy – had been a nurse and her husband – Augustus – a retired paramedic. Together, they kept him more than stable, quickly contacted an ambulance, and worked on him with their high quality first aid kit and AED. That had been three years ago.

He knew better now. He could just perform a charm on himself to make him unnoticeable, and the charm would fade when he was truly too far gone to save. And besides, that was a rare occurrence – he was doubtful to stumble across a well prepared and trained camping couple again. 

He looked ahead while still in his thoughts and stopped in his tracks. He had not expected to stumble across anything like this, either.

A young man – maybe in his 20s – stood on the edge of the bridge, on the other side of fence. 

Severus couldn’t do anything – he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t think. He wasn’t sure he was even existing at that point. He watched as the man’s eyes – tear filled and glassy and filled with a desperate pain and overwhelming fear – stared down into the river. The only that kept him from falling were the white knuckled fists gripping the fence behind him.

Severus didn’t know what the hell to do. What he was supposed to do. What he wanted to do. Maybe jump with him? Ignore him and jump anyway? Leave? Talk him down?  
How the hell was he supposed to give somebody the bravery and hope to live when he had none for himself? When he had arrived at The Bridge to do the same deed?  
Still, he found himself lurching forward, calling out.

“Hey,” 

Severus suddenly found himself on the receiving end of the agonizing, fearful stare now – he wondered momentarily if the other man had gotten whiplash. He felt shocked at how his own words sounded – they sounded muddled and distant but he could detect that he had said them in a strangled, pained tone.

He wanted to get a grip. He wanted to pull himself together and sneer down at the young man – oh Merlin, so young – and order him back over the fence. He wanted to be able to glare him down like the professor he was and make him see reason. 

He couldn’t. Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to put up a face to him. Not when they were both there to do the same thing. They were tied together, in some dark, unfair way.

“I – You’re in my spot.” 

The man blinked, confusion zipping across his face and muddling his expression. Severus hoisted himself over the fence and the man scooched over, making room for him to set himself down. He gripped the fence and looked down to the river, much like the man had when he first saw him, then looked back up to the stranger. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had done that – he was pretty sure he was intending to talk him down at that point, not jump with him – but he needed to be close to him. To be able to hold onto him.

“I’m here too.” 

Not quite sure what the rushed words meant, but hoping it conveyed something helpful, Severus held eye contact with the man and realized the stranger had been crying. Severus watched the man’s eyes follow lines down his own cheeks and remembered he hadn’t bothered to clean himself up before coming to The Bridge. 

“Look, I – I get it. But we,”

He was simultaneously stumbling over his words and lost for them. What did he want someone to say to him? He wasn’t sure what to do. Feeling suddenly overwhelmed by the situation and perhaps finally processing it, a lump formed in his throat and tears rapidly began filling his eyes. He pushed his hand forward and grabbed the other man’s hand, gripping it tight and trying to show tenderness and strength, hoping it was enough to explain the ocean of thoughts and feelings that couldn’t possibly be turned into words.

“We deserve so much more than this.”

What could he say? What should he say? His voice was strained and broken, and he feared he would start crying. This was so out of character, he couldn’t believe this was him anymore, and yet he was physically tied to the man, their hands anchoring him and reminding him this was real. Harsh feelings – including acute pain – stirred in his chest at the knowledge this man likely felt all the things Severus himself could feel. Worthless, bland, useless, lost, hurt, betrayed, hopeless, lonely, angry.

“We don’t deserve this. None of us do. None of us, not a single one of us. Don’t leave, there’ll be things later on for us. It’ll take a while but we’ll get there. We can be good. We deserve to live, damn it!”

He was crying, now. His voice was a few octaves too high and breaking at various parts and the other man was crying now too, understanding that two people had gone there to end their lives and had found each other. Severus felt the stranger grip his hand back, hard.

“We never deserved any of it. Nothing that happened to us and none of the feelings we have and we deserve happiness. We deserve life too. We’re worthy. We’re worthy of love too.”

He was crying harder now – harder than he had earlier that night. He was worried he’d get too emotional and fall off the damn bridge anyway with how hard he was crying but the other man had begun sobbing outright, so Severus figured it was fine to let loose. For some reason, just hearing those words struck deep into his heart and ripped at him, making it feel like someone was carving his heart out of his chest.

He saw the man nod harshly, snot and tears running down his face. The hand gripped him harder than ever. 

“Get over”

Severus nodded at the man’s mostly incoherent speech and gestured for the man for hoist himself over first. Giving Severus a wary and concerned look before pulling himself over, and Severus realized the other man was about as worried as he was. Once he had landed on the other side, Severus gripped the bars and lifted.

Landing on the other side, he sat down next to the man who had dropped to the ground, head in his hands and still crying. He, too, decided to indulge in the basic need and brought his knees to his chest, crying into them and gripping his legs.

They sat closely, arms and legs and feet pressed together while they both cried, feeling connected to somebody else who had been driven as far as the other had. Letting Severus’ words rebound inside their heads, both helping and making it worse. 

They sat together, on the safe side of the fence, waiting for the sun to rise.


End file.
